a gift...

if I could, I would take a few words of rumi and a few words of hafiz, and add to them a few odd words of my own... and to this, I would add the glimmering streaks of sunlight shining upon my hair right this very minute...and if I could, I would reach one hand into my chest and rip a handful of heartbeats right out of the center of me and kiss them until my lips were bleeding and raw... and then, I would throw all-of-this-beauty into a blender and run it on full speed until I blew out the fucking motor... and the magical liquid would shimmer and shine as I poured it into a bottle, one I would find on a windowsill in your kitchen... and then I'd stuff a cork in it.... then I would search the whole entire planet for you, baby... and when I found you, I'd kiss you deeply and grab your hand so hard you'd say "ouch" with a grin... and I'd point to the highest peak I could see and say "THAT one!" and we'd run like fucking looney toons, with the blended-bliss-in-a-bottle in hand, to the top of the top of the mountain....and I would strip you bare and you would strip me bare and I would dance for you underneath the starlit blackness and shake the bottle like a crazy-girl until it exploded wide open, raining this liquid crystalline dream all over us until we were drunk with love-soaked-bliss and laughter.

if I could...

if I only could.

I love you.

xoxo,
gee

I've been captured...
by you...

you see...?

you took this, my love...
you.
of me.

there... in your eyes.

if I could,
I would play my guitar and sing this song to you
right this fucking-minute... (~smile~)

" love,
I get so lost, sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
when I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but which ever way I go
I come back to the place you are

all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes

love,
I don't like to see so much pain
so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

and all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light,
the heat I see in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes..."

(lyrics, "in your eyes" by peter gabriel)

for you, my sweet one...

it's
all
for
you

xoxo,
gee

shining star
Mood:  special

" you're a shining star, no matter who you are..."
(earth, wind, & fire)

you know, my mother is the one
who taught me to believe in myself...
from this, I've learned to trust what tugs at my heart, to follow my passions
even when nobody else seems to be on the same page as me...
I've learned to trust in the power of this great all-seeing, all-knowing universe,
to recognize it's brilliance...
I've learned that it's ok to march at my own beat
and to blow my own horn if necessary,
regardless of outside opinions and perceptions and projections...
but, you see, the most important thing is
to live this way with love in your heart...
with love-of-self, and
love-of-life, and
love-of-others as your life song...

you're never going to please everybody all the time.
never.
ever.

begin with 'you'...
take care of 'you'...

it all begins with 'you'...

life...
it really is all about you

in this loud, busy, breathtakingly beautiful world,
if you can stand strong in 'who you are',
stay true-to-you, to your heart, to your passion,
with love and light at your core -- as your foundation --
everything that comes from you will shine in it's own uniquely-you way...
even if there are some who don't really understand you
or don't 'really see you'
or don't stop to even acknowledge your existence, it's ok.
it's all-fucking-ok! because your heart
will be shining brighter than the sun!
and whatever you do, or create, or put your energy and efforts into
will not only shine,
but will become part of this world -- of this life -- as a genuine reflection of you...
brilliantly-you, and
vitally, vibrantly alive because of you!

holycrap! it's that beautiful?

( thank you, mom.)
xoxo,
gee

the biggest part of me...
Mood:  special
" (sunrise)
there's a new sun arisin'
(in your eyes)
I can see a new horizon
(realize)
that will keep me realizin'
you're the biggest part of me

(stay the night)
need your lovin' here beside me
(shine the light)
need you close enough to guide me
(for all my life)
I've been hopin' you would find me
you're the biggest part of me

well,
make a wish, baby
well, and I will make it come true
make a list, baby
of the things I'll do for you
ain't no risk, now,
in lettin' my love rain down on you,
so we could wash away the past,
so that we may start anew...

(rainbow)
risin' over my shoulder,
(love flows)
gettin' better as we're older
(all I know)
all I want to do is hold him
he's the life that breathes in me ...

(beside me)
need your lovin' here beside me
(to guide me)
keep it close enough to guide me
(inside of me)
from the fears that are inside of me
you're the biggest part of me...

(lyrics to
" you're the biggest part of me", ambrosia)

adolescent renegade...
Mood:  on fire
you wear the grin of an adolescent renegade,
your eyes burning right through me...

you see me...
you see me.

I run my fingers across your smile,
the strength of you closes in
all around me

I hold your face in my hands...

I see you...
I see you.

somewhere, the song is playing,
" I wanna fucking tear you apart."

(* breathless *)

xoxo,
gee

" guy on harley..."
Mood:  special
it went something like this...

guy on harley rides past girl, taking a walk...

he waves.
she waves.

later that day, he sees her again

this time,
he stops
to say "hello"

almost one year later, he whispers as the sun rises,
" thank you for talking with me that day I stopped on my bike..."

she whispers back,
"thank you for stopping.
your decision to stop -- that one act on your part -- changed my life forever."

( * pause * )

" how powerful you are, baby."

(~smile~)

I am in love with you, pete tranchemontagne.

xoxo,
gee

" brush your teeth..."
Mood:  happy
recently, I said,
" do you know...
there are days
where it seems
every thought I have
begins and ends
with you...

(pause)

I brush my teeth and I'm thinking of you..."

this morning,
on the phone...

" gee... I hope you brush your teeth all day."

(~smile~)

xoxo,
gee

soul on fire...
Mood:  on fire
at the beach...

the sun on my face

burning
burning

the tears in my eyes

burning
burning

my body, aching

burning
burning

love me
to the extreme, baby...

right
to the
fucking
core

here
I
am

watch me
set
my soul
on fire

xoxo,
gee

burn & bleed
Mood:  mischievious
burn from me
as I bleed
from you

xoxo,
gee

I am a girl...
Mood:  quizzical
I am a girl...

a young girl
spinning around inside a
grown woman's world...

I am made of glass
and full of jelly beans
and I hurt
in places nobody can see or even
believe exist...

I beg them to help me,
they shake their heads and roll their eyes
and tell me I'm crazy, and so I shout
into the void, begging out loud, a plea
to the only ones left to hear me,
" my god! my goddess! please...!"

the only response,
my own echo...

(*silence*)

perhaps one day,
my screams will shatter the glass
and the sweetness will spill out,
everywhere,
into every dark corner
of the world --
young, old, ageless, timeless...!

maybe one day,
jagged edges will slice through little girl
fingertips,
and I will raise my bloody open palms to a
bright blue sky
and thank this universe
for hearing me,
for blessing me,
for loving me
enough to
silence the deafening tornado
raging inside
this jelly bean jar wearing a painted smile...

xoxo,
gee