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happy fucking october

october 31




october 28

"When you have once seen the glow of happiness on the face of a beloved person,
you know that a man can have no vocation but
to awaken that light on the faces surrounding him;
and you are torn by the thought of the unhappiness and night you cast,
by the mere fact of living, in the hearts you encounter."

( - Albert Camus)

october 16

at heart,
I'm still just a young girl

only now
I am without
a warm embrace
to fall into,
a reassuring shoulder
to cry on

and so
I sit alone
on the cool bathroom floor,
half naked
in blue panties, staring
beyond the nothingness,
when or if I will ever
grow up, and
do I really
want to..?


october 15

I stir my coffee
with a butter knife, remembering
something he said

he knew how to pronounce Goethe

I do not wonder
for too long
about the disappearing teaspoons

I linger instead
in his strange surprises

the butter knife
works just fine


october 14

you run your finger
the jagged edge,
tell me,


october 12

a colorful woman,
I am

so many colors in all of us
all colors within
all people

displaying them, at times
hiding them, at other times


we are all kaleidoscopes, breathing

so please
look at me
you don't have to love me
you don't have to like me
you may even despise the colors
here in me, but
just look at me
and as you do, I will
be looking at you

and if your do not turn your head
but continue to look
and deeper
you will see yourself
in my eyes
I know this
when I'm looking into yours
I see myself there, in you


october 11

I have spent so much of my life trying to be
the woman I thought I had to be,
the woman I was expected to be,
the woman I thought they wanted me to be,
the woman they told me I was...
all with great heroic effort
attempting to, hoping to
find my place, blend in, fit in,

but living this way
wasn't living at all...

in fact, it was killing me

bit by bit
I began to dig, to look long and hard
at the pieces and parts and layers
of me
that had been accumulating
since the day I was born

some facets I released, tossed away immediately
some, I embraced, recognizing them immediately
as genuine, authentic
some, I was surprised to find, laying silent underneath the rest
disguised as something else
others, I held onto a bit longer
on the fence
trying them on again
seeing how they felt

the lovely universe would always step up and assist
presenting a challenge with a thump on the head
one that brings a welcomed clarity,
that undeniable illumination...

I plan on spending the rest of my life digging
holding everything up to the brightest light
choosing what to embrace
choosing what to discard
realizing that this is a process of evolution
forever morphing and changing and oscillating

there is no "end"
no "I did it"
no "I have reached the goal"
no "destination"

here exists a journey

of a simple, silly woman,
who will cry for no apparent reason,
who will laugh for no apparent reason,
who will hug you and tell you she loves you,
who will take pictures of the clouds,
who will compete only in the playground, when she tries
to swing higher than you,
who will say "fuck" out loud,
who will wear high heels with jeans and a tee-shirt, and
who will come so outrageously, even the neighbors will know

this simple, silly woman is me

I am gee...

raw and jagged and transparent
and passionate to the extreme
dancing into the light, aware
yet unafraid of the darkness

on a journey of choice,
an excavation of self...

for the creation
of me.


october 8

somewhere I have never traveled, gladly beyond
(ee cummings)

somewhere I have never traveled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which I cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look will easily unclose me
though I have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, I and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(I do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands


all art, photos, and writing displayed on this site
are original creations
by me, gee cobain
(unless otherwise noted)

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