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f e b r u a r y ' 0 5

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happy fucking february

february 28
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to my home,
sweet home...

my heart breaks
each time I pause and think
of your fate, looming and unavoidable...

yet
the words of
Alfred Lord Tennyson come to mind...

" 'tis better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all."

xoxo,
gee

february 27
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the city at night

I walk
a few steps behind
the parade
of four familiar parkas,
giddy laughter bubbling up
from somewhere beneath
puffy, nylon hoods

suddenly, the bitterness
of february stings
only my cheeks

and
I
smile

xoxo,
gee

february 26
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she - "You must be devastated... that is just tragic.
You know, if you make it through all of this, you'll be unstoppable..."

me - "Funny how you say 'if'..."

xoxo,
gee

february 25
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wondering...

remembering, washing
my hair, gazing out at
those colorado mountains

as I looked out
at them, could they
have been looking in
at me...?

I would like to believe so...

xoxo,
gee

february 24
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it's
almost
time

"time to make the donuts"
that is...

xoxo,
gee

february 23
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r e s t l e s s . . .

xoxo,
gee

february 22
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I was five when we would jump into your monte carlo (the green hornet... remember? you called that car "the green hornet"...) and you would drive us to carvel for an ice cream after supper... and you would buy me my vanilla cone with the chocolate sprinkles and make me eat all the sprinkles off before I got back into the car... and once, on the way home, a car sped out from nowhere, right across the intersection, and we slammed into it, even as you slammed on the brakes... and jimmy and I, sitting on the front seat next to you, were thrown forward as we hit... jimmy, leaving a permanent impression there, on the dash, with his teeth... me, screaming, horrified, seeing that my ice cream, cone and all, was completely smashed into the radio... and you jumped out, yelling at the other driver, as I began to hyperventilate with each vanilla drip-drip-drip, fearing that I broke the radio, that I ruined the car, that you would be mad at me... and then, I heard "are you hurt?" from a woman, somebody's grandmother perhaps, looking in through the window... and crying so hard, I couldn't bring my voice to form anything that sounded like a word... and so I just pointed... to the melting mess... to the obliterated radio... to you... and she reached into her pocketbook and pulled out a bandage, wrapping it around the imaginary cut on the finger I was pointing with... then she smiled and walked away... and when you came back to the car, you said how lucky we were that nobody was seriously hurt... and you checked jimmy's mouth... and you pointed to my finger, to the little bandage, and you asked me if I was ok... and, before I could answer, I watched you pull your handkerchief out of your pocket, wiping up some of the dripping ice cream... only then could I whisper, "I'm fine..."

tonight, as I said goodnight, knowing that the morning will greet you with triple by-pass surgery, I sat crying, unable to form words... "are you ok?" you asked... no grandmothers peeking in through windows... no bandages wrapped with love around imaginary boo-boo's... but for a moment, I saw you there, with your perfectly white hankerchief, wiping away the dripping mess... only then could I whisper, "I'm fine..."

be ok, dad...
be better than ok... I love you.

xoxo,
gee

february 21
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a tribute
to
Hunter S. Thompson (1939-2005)

xoxo,
gee

february 20
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I promised you a walk
in the springtime

I may come and
go, shine and fade
a thousand times
from now
until then

have heart, my dear

just tell me when
and where
and I promise
to meet you
there

xoxo,
gee

february 19
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ohhh, life...

how you breathe
down my neck
and steal
my breath
away,
suffocating me
with your agony,
with your ecstacy

ohhh, life...

I am breathless...
I am breathless...

xoxo,
gee

february 18
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I play,
and suddenly
I am
somewhere else,
somebody else...

"am-I-any-good-at-this"
has no place
here

it doesn't matter

my legs,
stiff and numb
the coffee,
cold

it doesn't matter

xoxo,
gee

february 17
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my clever universe

why do I
complicate you so, when you
remain so perfectly
simple?

so often, I cry out
to you, asking for
a break

what do you do?

you
break
me

I am
complicated and foolish
you are
simple and wise

be careful what you ask for,
you say...
you
will
get
it

ohhh, yes...
my clever universe

I
get
it
now

xoxo,
gee

february 16
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"Is it worth it can you even hear me
Standing with your spotlight on me
Not enough to feed the hungry
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now
In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the fucking morning
Each day gets more and more like the last day
Still I can see it coming
While I'm standing in the river drowning
This could be my chance to break out
This could be my chance to say goodbye
At last it's finally over
Couldn't take this town much longer
Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be
Now I'm ready to be free

So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this"

(from "The Taste of Ink" by The Used)

xoxo,
gee

february 15
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I know nothing
of your world

I know not how
your earth feels
your seasons smell
your breeze tastes, there
upon your lips

I know nothing of
your sense
of humor
of beauty
of wisdom
of propriety
of loathing
of perception

of
love.

look
down...

the feet you see there
are the only feet to intimately know
every step of your journey...

yours.

look up...

the eyes you see here
gaze upon one world,
from another

mine.

I know nothing
of your world

even as you share it with me,
as I share mine with you,
standing together
as one

I know nothing
of your world

but that
is why
I love you
so
dearly...

xoxo,
gee

february 14
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" this is love: to fly toward a secret sky,
to cause a hundred veils to fall
each moment.
first, to let go of life.
finally, to take a step without feet "
( ~ rumi ~ )

happy valentine's day,
my love...

happy valentine's day,
my
beloved...

xoxo,
gee

february 13
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(from "Aqua Teen Hunger Force")

Carl:

"Ever since my son was never conceived
because I never had consensual sex
without money involved,
I always
sorta
looked at you
as, well...
kind of a thing
that I could,
you know...
live next to,
in accordance with state laws."

Meatwad:

"That's so sweet.
You're trying to say that you love me!"

xoxo,
gee

february 12
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how can I
miss
so deeply
the kisses
that have
never drifted, and
wandered, and
roamed, and
lingered here?

I don't know...

but
I
do...

xoxo,
gee

february 11
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your voice
in my ear

your voice
in my ear

nothing
tickles me
quite like
your voice
in my ear

xoxo,
gee

february 10
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enlighten me, please...!

xoxo,
gee

february 8
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you
enter
the
deepest
part
of
me

fill
me
with
a
tremendous
ache

beautiful

immediate

inescapable

rumble
up
down
across
around

through
the
center
of
me

rattle
me
right
to
the
core

and
then

explode . . .

as
do
I

xoxo,
gee

february 7
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Wheresoever you go,
go with all your heart (~ Confucius)

xoxo,
gee

february 6
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here gee, they say

what... what is this, I ask

it is a hoop, they say

ahhh, it is... I say

you are to jump through it, they instruct

that's silly, I laugh

but you HAVE TO, they persist... it's what we do...

here, I smile... thank you, but please keep your hoop...jump all you want, my friends... but me, I'll be over here, taking pictures of the clouds

xoxo,
gee

february 5
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it is late
now

but
not
too late,
my love

darkness comes,
closes in

yet,
I do not close
the door

no, not
anymore

it is late
now

but
not
too
late,
my
love

xoxo,
gee

february 5
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each day,
I know
more and more
about
less and less

perhaps
one day
I will come to know
everything
about nothing

so far,
so good,
anyway...

xoxo,
gee

february 4
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my dearest hando,

the chickens aren't counted and
I can't seem to make
heads or tails of
the sleeping dogs

I just can't pay attention
or the piper
so now they're
pulling my leg

the village misses you

love,
your amigo loco,
chico

xoxo,
gee





february 3
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"to be nobody-but-myself in a world
which is doing its best, night and day,
to make me everybody else
means to fight the hardest battle
which any human being can fight,
and never stop fighting"

(ee cummings)

xoxo,
gee

february 02
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my familiar stranger . . . 

I see you
I recognize you
I remember you

your kisses
taste like home to me

xoxo,
gee

february 1
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so...
do you?

xoxo,
gee

all art, photos, and writing displayed on this site
are original creations
by me, gee cobain
(unless otherwise noted)

~ all rights reserved ~

*thankyouverymuch*

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