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may 2005

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for chance...

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happy fucking may

may 31
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"... in this whole world
there's nobody as lonely as she
there's nowhere to go
and there's nowhere that she'd rather be

she's looking for lovers and children playing
she's looking for signs of the spring
she listens for laughter and sounds of dancing
she listens for any old thing

fly away
fly away
fly away..."

(lyrics to "fly away", john denver)

xoxo,
gee

may 30
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ohhh goddess,
send me
some sunshine

ohhh yes...

send me some of your
blessed sunshine...

xoxo,
gee

may 29
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as I peel off the layers,
I feel your eyes upon me

I
am
bare

do you step closer,
or do you step back?

xoxo,
gee

may 28
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"Thou sleepest, Brutus,
and yet Rome is in chains."

( ~ Voltaire ~ )

xoxo,
gee

may 27
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soon
it will be time
to pack up again

almost

time
to
go

time
to
move

time
to
leave

I wonder
why I wander so?

I wonder why, on this earth
so beautiful and abundant,
my soul and I forever wander
homeless...

xoxo,
gee

may 26
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life...

you spin me around, leave me dizzy

I smile and giggle
as if I am still
sixteen

whether embraced
or attacked, I still stand,
learning volumes from you

I am your child
I am your student...
yet I am your mother
I am your master

smiling

giggling

somehow,
still sixteen...

xoxo,
gee

may 25
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" I said it wouldn't matter...
but I'm starting to think that it would..."
he said

"me too..."
I said

xoxo,
gee

may 24
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to my god, to my goddess...

tonight, wrap me in your arms
and hold me close...
whisper to me as I dream

tell me your secrets,
tell me your truths,
remind me why
I am here...

illuminate this path for me,
and as you do,
I ask that you
bless me
with clarity,
with a strong sense of direction,
with a kind and gentle heart,
with a light spirit,
with a genuine mind...

tonight, hold me close,
as I pray,
as I ask to receive your miracles,
as I thank you for sending them
in abundance...

I
believe
in
them
now

and so it is...

Blessed Be.

xoxo,
gee



may 21
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I see you...
I see you in there

here...
take
my
hand

come out, will you...?

for a little while,
for a long as you can

stand with me here,
in this place where
the dark and the light
kiss...

their dance
will
wash us
clean

xoxo,
gee

may 20
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hurting...

wanting to be with you...

yet feeling as though
I'd rather
give in to this thing and die
than to have you
see
and be
with me
this way...

hurting...

wanting to be with you...

hurting...

even more now,
as I see
I am not the "me"
I want to be
with
you

xoxo,
gee

may 19
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" And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.
I've lived a life that's full.
I've traveled each and ev'ry highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.
I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.
To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way..."

(lyrics to "my way", frank sinatra)

xoxo,
gee

may 18
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tonight,
close your eyes
and fade...

call to me
with each exhale...
bring me closer
as you pull the cool night air
deeply into you...

dream of me tonight, my love

I promise
to meet you there

xoxo,
gee

may 16
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"come to the edge,"
he said

they said,
"we are afraid"

"come to the edge,
he said

they came

he pushed them...
and they flew.

( ~ guillaume apollinaire ~ )

let's
go
the
edge,
my love...

xoxo,
gee

may 15
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you never did tell me the safe word

the safe word?

there
is
no
safe
word.

xoxo,
gee

may 14
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this morning,
in a letter to a friend...

"I wish I could say something, do something,
become some sort of remedy
driving this away from you, far away,
forever and ever amen.

I wish I could reach into that pit of despair
and rip it right from the core of you
and hug you tight and close and tell you
that everything's gonna be alright...

If I could, I would."

xoxo,
gee

may 13
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I am a simple woman...

honest and sincere
thoughtful and purposeful
genuine and trustworthy
focused and clear
grateful and humble

this is
my affirmation

this is
who I am

xoxo,
gee

may 12
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tonight,
I am thankful for
dimes,
dirty clothes, and
duran duran...

"chill...
is it something real or the magic I'm feeding off your fingers...?

lost, in a snow filled sky,
we'll make it all right, to come undone...

now, we'll try to stay blind,
to the hope and fear outside

hey child,
stay wilder than the wind and blow me in,
to cry... who do you need? who do you love
when you come undone...?"

(lyrics from "come undone", by duran duran)

xoxo,
gee

may 11
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baby,
because
of
you,
my
belly
is
blue...

beautiful,
beautiful
blue

(today,
the song "everlong" by the foo fighters
is playing in my head,
but I'll sing it out loud for you now...)

"breathe out,
so I can breathe you in, hold you in

and now,
I know you've always been
out of your head, out of my head (I sang)

and I wonder
when I sing along with you
if everything could ever feel this real forever
if anything could ever be this good again
the only thing I'll ever ask of you
you've got to promise not to stop when I say 'when'
(she sang)"

xoxo,
gee

may 11
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hmmm... well... ok... in a nutshell...

(quoting below, from my favorite author, Stuart Wilde)

"The family is where the ego learns to look for
approval, and then, as the person grows up, he or she
goes out into the world to win the approval of
everyone else. Why? 'Coz it's stupid. Why would it
fall for a stunt like that? But it does, constantly.

"We want you to do this and that otherwise we won't
love you. We want you to do the dishes."

"You mean I have to?"

"Yes. We want you to wash these dishes."

"What? Today?"

"No. Everyday."

"Well, just one dish?"

"No. Two hundred and ninety-one of them, every day."

"What, for a week?"

"No, for the rest of your life!"

"That's what I have to do in order for you to love
me?"

"Yes. Once you prove to us that you are that stupid,
we'll agree to love you."

The male version goes like this:

"We want you to bolt out of the door at ten-till-dawn, belt up and down the freeway, pressurize yourself totally stupid for 19 hours a day with all sorts of concepts about working hard, and drag home enough buffalo, or cash, or moola, so we here will feel safe. Then if we feel safe and secure because of the sheer amount of buffalo you haul home, then we'll love you."

So, the male goes, "Oh, all right." And off he
trudges and dies. And they say, "Harry died on the
freeway, age 42 -- three buffalo on the backseat."

(thanks, stu...)

for the record,
no approval (or buffalo) necessary here...

xoxo,
gee

may 10
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sometimes,
it feels as
if I am

d
r
o
w
n
i
n
g

sitting
at
the
bottom,
on
the
bottom,
on
my
bottom

d
r
o
w
n
i
n
g

the struggle, the battle
against an army of demons,
invisible to the eye...

they win more often than they deserve to...

xoxo,
gee

may 09
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some may say that I didn't know you at all...
but the truth is,
I did know you

I knew you as a warm hello
I knew you as a friendly smile
I knew you as a peaceful presence
I knew you as a cheerful disposition
I knew you as a moment of light humor
I knew you as someone that I was simply grateful to know...

yet, some may say that I didn't know you at all...

in fact, it wasn't until after you died
that I knew your name

but the truth is,
I did know you...

this is the way
I knew you

this is how
I will remember you

and this is why
I will miss you...

xoxo,
gee

may 07
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fuckthefuckingfuckers

xoxo,
gee

may 06
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ahhh, yes...

"new, what do you own the world?
how do you own disorder, disorder,
now, somewhere between the sacred silence,
sacred silence and sleep,
somewhere, between the sacred silence and sleep,
disorder, disorder, disorder..."

( "toxicity" lyrics, by system of a down)

xoxo,
gee

may 04
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in the warm afternoon sunlight of a may wednesday
I sit, observing the coming and going of life
outside my porch window...

it all continues...

this ebb and flow
of the beautiful, agonized world I call home

microscopic in the world,
larger the universe itself...

I gaze down the street and wonder
where you are right now...

where, in this world
where, in this universe...

suddenly,
I realize...

you're
right
here

in my heart...
microscopic, in the world,
larger than the universe itself

xoxo,
gee

may 03
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first
I
found
a
dime

then
I
found
you

xoxo,
gee

may 02
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happiness is...

a guitar pick,
especially one
from someone
special...

xoxo,
gee

may 01
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because of you...

I sleep,
I wake

I sleep,
I wake

I
think
of
you
and
sleep,
awake

xoxo,
gee

all art, photos, and writing displayed on this site
are original creations
by me, gee cobain
(unless otherwise noted)

~ all rights reserved ~

*thankyouverymuch*

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