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july 2005

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hapyfuckingjuly.jpeg
happy fucking july

july 31
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the orphic hymn to gaia

ohh goddess,
source of gods and mortals,
all-fertile, all-destroying gaia,
mother of all,
who brings forth the bounteous fruits and flowers,
all variety,
maiden who anchors the eternal world in our own,
immortal, blessed, crowned with every grace,
deep bosomed earth,
sweet plains and fields fragrant grasses in the nurturing rains,
around you fly the beauteous stars,
eternal and divine,
come, blessed goddess,
and hear the prayers of your children,
and make the increase of the fruits and grains your constant care, 
with the fertile seasons your handmaidens,
draw near,
and bless your supplicants!

xoxo,
gee

july 30
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mosquito bite,
left ankle

( in case you were wondering...)

xoxo,
gee

july 29
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my love...

let go
let go
let go

come

come to me

come,
be with me

come,
lose yourself with me

may we lose our minds,
together!

let go
let go
let go

and
come!

xoxo,
gee

july 27
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oh no

I was dreaming, wasn't I?

(*fuck*)

it was just a dream?

(*fuckfuckfuck*)

I was holding
the same blueberry snow cone again...

my fingers,
damp,
frigid,
sticking to the paper cone

I licked the blue syrup from my thumb

I heard him say,
" mine is melting..."
and laugh,
crazy...
right from his belly

it was
marilyn manson

he was holding a blueberry snow cone, too

he shoved his thumb
into my mouth
and laughed again

everything was blue
and sweet
and ridiculously
funny...

including our lips

"silly..."
I said to mm, still sucking
on his thumb

(*fuck*)

it was just a dream?

(*fuckfuckfuck*)

(*sigh*)

it's ok...

if you're gonna dream,
mm dreams
are the best ones
to have

xoxo,
gee

july 26
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leaping across playground sand...

monkey bars,
red and familiar
catch me in mid-flight

laughter
of eternal youth -- all mine --
permeates steel,
sand,
brick,
sky...

am I a tomboy
with too much sand in my sneakers,
imagining that I am an adult...?

or am I an adult,
imagining that I am a tomboy
with too much sand in my sneakers...?

kicking off the right one,
I pour the answer
into the palm of my hand

it sifts through my fingers,
filters into the summer breeze...

laughter
permeates
my soul

xoxo,
gee





july 25
breathe.jpeg

he reaches around,
raising my chin
with the palm of his hand

"breathe, baby..."
he whispers, close

I open my eyes

the dream ends

I lay motionless,
wide awake...
feeling
the weight of him
still pressing down
upon me

breathe
breathe
breathe

"breathe with me
breathe the pressure
come play my game
I'll test ya
psycho-somatic addict-insane
come play my game
inhale inhale
you're the victim
come play my game
exhale exhale exhale"

( lyrics to breathe, by the prodigy )

xoxo,
gee

july 24
magic_ride.jpeg

surrender...

fall to your knees,
you say

and so,
I do...

letting go...
I lose myself
completely
again and again and again...
here,
on this path,
on this journey,
on this magic ride...

here,
I find silent strength

here,
I witness sacredness

yours
and
mine

my divine beloved,
I pray that my steps,
each and every one,
whether graceful or awkward,
leaping or stumbling,
only bring me
closer
to you

xoxo,
gee

july 23
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" the sage stands next to the sun
and the moon
while holding all of space and time
in his hand

he discards the confused and obscure;
honors the meek and humble;
and blends everything
into a universal whole

as men toil on to obtain some reward,
he appears listless and dull
for he has merged all things
into perfect purity

and from this purity
he can vanquish the disparities
of ten thousand ages
in a single moment

on and on goes his delight;
should the whole of creation
come to an end,
his delight
would go on still."

(~ chuang tzu ~)

and so it is...
blessed be.

xoxo,
gee

july 22
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" I was getting a little worried," she said.
"I didn't see 'july' there at first...
you know... 'happy (ummm) eff-ing july'...
but I see it now... it's awesome!
keep going... keep it up!"

happiness is...
having your mom as your
number one "fan"

xoxo,
gee

july 21
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" I can make of this world a prison
or a playground

the key is my will

I will believe,
I will trust,
I will defy despair unto the last

then under white hair
my soul shall bloom
as a red crocus in the snow

within my collapsing body
my heart shall sing
as a caged bird
about to be free."

(~ dr. frank crane, philosopher ~)

xoxo,
gee

july 20
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" If on earth there be
a Paradise of Bliss,
It is this,
It is this,
It is this."

( ~ firdausi ~ )

xoxo,
gee

july 19
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I've been told
that I am
a mysterious woman

funny, but
I thought I was
an open book

xoxo,
gee

july 18
hesaid.jpeg

at the bottom of the stairs,
the light is blinking

I never heard it ring

"I want to come see you...
you make me happy..."
his message says

gazing out my window
through the haze
of this brutal july afternoon,
I smile
and whisper,
"..ok..."

xoxo,
gee

july 17
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dance, dance
wherever you may be...

that's what they taught me

that's what I remember

that's what I do

xoxo,
gee

july 16
ibelieve.jpeg

I believe . . .

in
fairies
angels,
the power of love,
the sincere goodness of the human heart,
you,
me . . .

xoxo,
gee

july 15
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so...

how
do
you
like
me
now...?

xoxo,
gee

july 13
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do you know...?

I can see you

right
through
you

in fact,
I knew who you were
long before you began your charade,
weaving your web,
trying to persuade me,
pointing to things that aren't there,
ignoring the things that are

but
I've known
all along

silly you?
silly me?

yes...

silly you,
silly me

but
just so you know,
I do see you

right
through
you

I know
you have your reasons...

I may not understand them,
but I respect you,
I accept you
as you are

so...
be as silly as you wanna be
for as long as you need to be

I like you anyway...

" I know what you're doing,
I see it all too clear
I only taste the saline when I kiss away your tears
you really had me going,
wishing on a star
but the black holes that surround you
are heavier by far..."

(from "barely breathing" by duncan sheik)

xoxo,
gee

july 12
hungry.jpeg

passion

may it be
wonderfully-crazy-wild-unrestricted-over-the-top,
no matter it's life span

I'd take rocky road
over vanilla
anyday

"unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love,
it's a waste of your time

there are too many mediocre things in life --
love shouldn't be one of them"

(~ from the movie "dream for an insomniac" ~)

xoxo,
gee

july 11
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my dearest hando,

from out of nowhere,
your voice comes to me
speaking of hot dogs and pies,
bringing a smile and a sigh
to this wandering soul

just when I needed it most...

how could you know...?

you just always seem to know...

hmmm...
maybe that's why
you're my hando...

yes...
exactly

warmly,
chico

(*poke*)

xoxo,
gee

july 09
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hey...

it was good to hear your voice

more than anything,
I miss the friend in you

xoxo,
gee

july 06
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no words...

xoxo,
gee

july 04
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my friends...

may your "4th" be safe,
enjoyable,
playful,
and memorable

"emancipate yourself from mental slavery,
none but ourselves can free our mind. "
(~ bob marley ~)

xoxo,
gee

july 03
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I reached out,
called to you,
naturally...
in a way that felt more like
reaching in...

I thought it was ok

" It's been a hard day..."
I wanted to say

" ohhh, thank you for being here..."
I wanted to say

only,
I never had the chance

instead,
you
drove
right by

funny,
but I don't blame you one bit
for driving by

xoxo,
gee

july 02
july2.jpeg

in a heartbeat,
everything can change

doesn't make me wanna hold on tighter...
doesn't make me wanna cry...

no...

it simply
makes me wanna to say "thank you"
a little more

xoxo,
gee

july 01
july1.jpeg

sometimes I wonder
why you tolerate me
the way you do...

*sigh*

by the way,
I'm so very grateful
that you tolerate me
the way you do

*wink*

xoxo,
gee

all art, photos, and writing displayed on this site
are original creations
by me, gee cobain
(unless otherwise noted)

~ all rights reserved ~

*thankyouverymuch*

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