january 29

" he breathes into my ear
until my soul
takes on his fragrance.
he is the soul of my soul;
how can I escape?
but why would any soul in this world
want to escape from the beloved?

he will melt your pride
making you thin as a strand of hair,
yet do not trade, even for both worlds,
one strand of his hair.

we search for him here and there
while looking right at him.
sitting by his side we ask,
"o beloved, where is the beloved?"

enough with such questions!
let silence take you to the core of life.

all your talk is worthless
when compared to one whisper
of the beloved!"

(~ rumi ~)

xoxo,
gee

january 28

happy-happy
joy-joy...

" la-fawnduh is *the* best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm 100% positive she's my soul mate. don't worry napoleon, I'm sure there's a babe out there for you too. peace out. "

( kip, from "napoleon dynamite")

smile, dammit!

xoxo,
gee

january 25

oh, how I gaze
in wonder...

" ignorant before the heavens of my life,
I stand and gaze in wonder. oh the vastness
of the stars. their rising and descent. how still.
as if I didn't exist. do I have any
share in this? have I somehow dispensed with
their pure effect? does my blood's ebb and flow
change with their changes? let me put aside
every desire, every relationship
except this one, so that my heart grows used to
its farthest spaces. better that it live
fully aware, in the terror of its stars, than
as if protected, soothed by what is near. "

(~ rainer maria rilke ~)

sweet goddess,
you dry my tears...
I gaze in wonder,
a wonderful
gaze

xoxo,
gee

january 20

" yeah, I'm thinkin' about my doorbell
when ya gonna ring it, when ya gonna ring it
yeah, I been thinkin' about my doorbell

oh, well..."

(lyrics to "my doorbell", the white stripes)

xoxo,
gee

january 19

for all of this --
the good, the bad, the outrageous, the impossible,
the ridiculous, the beautiful, the bittersweet,
the heartwarming, the heartbreaking,
the up, the down, the sideways,
the 'round and 'round and 'round and 'round --
for all of this,
I am grateful...

this is life.

and this one
is mine.

" I have had prayers answered -
most strangely so sometimes - but I think
our heavenly father's loving-kindness
has been even more evident
in what he has refused me. "

(~ lewis carroll ~)

xoxo,
gee

january 16

I kick back
and break
my own rule
of "no tv in bed"

why...?

because
I
can

xoxo,
gee

january 13

in a dream last night,
she laughed while pumping up
the blood pressure cuff around my arm

then her eyes widened,
taking the reading

her laugh turned to silence
as she looked directly into my eyes

"where have you been?"
she asked, almost breathless

my eyes filled with tears

everything became blurry

I answered,
" I honestly don't know."

xoxo,
gee

january 12

you probably don't realize this, but
I have a story to tell you

only,
I can't tell this story yet

no,
not yet

believe me,
I want to...

but, it's too new,
too much "here".
too much still "with me"

pride isn't silencing me

not ego,
nor lack of humility...

it's
the confusion,
the exhaustion,
the frustration,
the depression,
the constant lack
of validation...

and
the devastation

these things
have stolen me
from me...

from you

they came and robbed me blind...
and left me with nothing but
a story to tell

one day,
I will tell you

one day,
I hope to be able
to share
all of
everything
with you

but,
it's too soon...
too real...
too damaging...
too ridiculous...
too devastating...
too much
still
with me

the story...
it will forever be
with me

but now,
I can't help but wonder...
will you?

xoxo,
gee

january 05

"send me a picture..."
you said

maybe this is not what you wanted...

maybe it's not what you asked for,
hoped for, or
wished to see...

but
this is me
tonight

this is
where I am,
how I am,
what I am
doing

tonight,
I miss you
terribly

and here,
in this moment,
I am thinking of how beautiful it feels
to be close to you...
how much fun I have
playing with you...
how sweet it is
to be loved by you

"send me a picture..."
you said

here is your picture, my love

xoxo,
gee