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july 2006

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for chance...

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happy fucking july

july 28
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a trooper...?
me...?

hardly.

there is nothing stiff
about my upper lip

it quivers
when I think of things
left behind

sheer curtains and dreams
and coolers and grins
and hammers and dimes
and fires
in bellies full of meatballs and ice cream
and dead flowers for no reason
in crystal vases with
no water
and keys left in mailboxes
never to be
retrieved...

and hearts.

the
broken,
bruised,
aching hearts
still beating
in spite of it all

blue and white
feel
black and blue today
and the world spins backwards
for no reason
at all

no,
I am not a trooper.

I feel it all...
and cry.

don't deny me this.

please,
just let me feel it all.

xoxo,
gee

july 26
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" I postpone death
by living,
by suffering,
by error,
by risking,
by giving,
by losing. "

(~ anais nin ~)

so, I may be a loser,
losing...
but at least
I am no longer lost.

xoxo,
gee

july 25
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the waves...

long ago,
safely
from a distance,
I watched them

then,
I was tossed
upside down,
around and around
in them

eventually,
I floated upon them,
carried and cradled
by them

now,
I dive in
and swim
with them

xoxo,
gee

july 24
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the new morning greets me...

rise
and
shine

rise
and
shine

rise
and
fucking shine

xoxo,
gee

july 22
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" the clock on the wall's moving slower,
my heart, it sinks to the ground,
and the storm that I thought would blow over
clouds the light of the love that I found

now my body is starting to quiver
and the palms of my hands getting wet
I've got no reason to doubt you, baby,
it's all a terrible mess

I'll run in the rain 'till I'm breathless,
when I'm breathless I'll run till I drop, (hey)
the thoughts of a fool's kind of careless
I'm just a fool waiting on the wrong block, (oh yeah)

light of the love that I found,
light of the love that I found,

light of the love that I found..."

( lyrics to " fool in the rain", led zeppelin)

xoxo,
gee

july 21
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still standing,
I dust myself off

( so far, so good...)

(~smile~)

xoxo,
gee

july 20
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this
is
the
left
one

I
am
the
one
left

(haaa!)

xoxo,
gee

july 19
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I overheard a conversation
between
somebody's grandparents
today
at the beach...

they each carried and opened up
their own chair --
one an average green lawn chair, the other
a low beach chair with bold stripes...
they sat down in them,
side by side

grandma laughed softly, " look, honey.
I got the low one."

" yes. you did."
grandpa nodded.

(*pause*)

grandma asked, smiling up at her husband,
" what if I can't get up?"

he put his hand on the top of her head
and smiled back,
" then I will help you."

xoxo,
gee


july 15
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" we don't see things as they are,
we see them as we are. "
(~ anais nin ~)

xoxo,
gee

july 14
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the dust begins to settle
as the sun rises upon
a brand new day

the shadow I cast
shows nothing more
than a shell

" goddess of mine..." I cry out,
what am I to do now?"

she rushes in
on a breeze, warm and humid
pushing aside the kitchen curtains, pale green

she wraps around me
and whispers into
my ear,
" my dear one...
simply be.
simply be gee. "

exhausted,
my heart races

and
I smile.

" I can do that..."

xoxo,
gee













all art, photos, and writing displayed on this site
are original creations
by me, gee cobain
(unless otherwise noted)

~ all rights reserved ~

*thankyouverymuch*

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