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| august 31 |
|
I went to the
cemetery
to see my friend
today...
I wanted to say
something like,
" your shoes,
socks,
shirt...
arranged perfectly there
on the beach...
I saw the picture in the paper.
it tore me up inside.
why...?
why did you fill
your lungs with water,
not air,
that night...?"
the breeze blew a heart
into my strawberry blonde hair,
and I felt him there...
all I could do was cry
and say,
" I'm sorry...
I'm so sorry..."
xoxo,
gee
| august 30 |
|
these summer nights...
they're really cooling off,
aren't they?
xoxo,
gee
| august 29 |
|
I love seeing the things
nobody else does.
but...
wait.
maybe we ARE all
seeing the same things...?
and if we are,
then how come
I'm the only one
to smile and gasp and point them out?
xoxo,
gee
| august 28 |
|
" there is not one big cosmic meaning for all,
there is only the meaning we each give to our life,
an individual meaning, an individual plot,
like an individual novel,
a book for each person." -
( ~ anais nin ~ )
ahhh, this is
my tormented bliss...
... and I
will continue
to write ( and photograph) mine,
until these fingers are bloody and raw, and
my final breath
consumes me.
xoxo,
gee
~ good luck today, pete...
you are in my thoughts, with love, most sincerely ~
| august 26 |
|
if I die today,
I die happy.
I have loved.
I have felt loved.
because of this,
I am alive.
because of this,
I die happy.
xoxo,
gee
| august 24 |
|
" everything is blooming most recklessly;
if it were voices instead of colors,
there would be an unbelievable shrieking
into the heart of the night. "
(~ rainer maria rilke ~)
goodnight...
that's all.
xoxo,
gee
| august 23 |
|
the woman in me...
b u r n i n g,
b u r n i n g,
b u r n i n g.
( still )
( " why...?" )
because
this
is
who
I am.
" fire
smoke, she is arising
fire
oh, smoke on the horizon..."
( ~ lyrics to fire woman, the cult ~ )
xoxo,
gee
| august 22 |
|
so...
life goes on,
doesn't it?
now I see,
it's up to me
to choose how to
go on with it.
xoxo,
gee
| august 21 |
|
I tell myself it's ok,
that things are working out
as they should.
I remind myself to have faith, that a door
may close but there is always
a wide open window...
somewhere.
I think of the silly things, the way I would
laugh out loud at something
you did or said... how sincere
those belly laughs were...
the night
closes in around me, and again,
I am alone.
thinking of you.
missing you.
I pull my knees up to my chest,
hugging them close, making myself
very small, there
on the edge of my bed
I close my eyes
for the last time tonight,
giving thanks
for what we had,
for what we have,
thanking the goddess for
these knees to hug
right now
xoxo,
gee
| august 20 |
|
I am . . .
not
home.
xoxo,
gee
| august 19 |
|
the red stairs...
when I left your place
after midnight,
I had tears in my eyes
and an ache
in my heart
on the way home,
I had one conversation,
two peppermint tic tacs,
did three handstands, and took
39 new photos
by the time
I arrived at my front door,
my cheeks were flushed...
I was excited and
breathless...
and
missing you.
climbing the red stairs,
I had a feeling that -- no matter what --
everything ( including me) is
as it should be
right now.
for the first time
( in a long, long time )
I smiled and kissed
that little girl in me
goodnight.
xoxo,
gee
| august 18 |
|
late, late hours...
on a plane or dimension or planet
other than the one
we're typically on...
I play, and
I sing...
"... gazing at people,
some hand in hand,
just what Im going through
they can't understand.
some try to tell me
thoughts they cannot defend,
just what you want to be
you will be in the end...
and I love you,
yes, I love you,
oh, how, I love you...
oh, how, I love you."
( ~ epilogue, spoken word ~}
breathe deep the gathering gloom,
watch lights fade from every room.
bedsetter people look back and lament,
another day's useless energy's spent.
impassioned lovers wrestle as one,
lonely man cries for love and has none.
new mother picks up and suckles her son,
senior citizens wish they were young.
cold-hearted orb that rules the night,
removes the colors from our sight.
red is grey and yellow, white...
but we decide which is right,
and which is an illusion..."
( " nights in white satin" - moody blues )
xoxo,
gee
| august 17 |
|
scars...
I think I've made peace with the scars.
this one -- the one on my lower back -- is not
one I see everyday.
but, there are some I see
whenever my eyes are open...
whether I want to or not.
they're there.
they're right here.
they are part of me.
but, like my step-dad once told me,
' a scar is just a reminder of what is no longer there.'
the pain.
the anxiety.
the restriction.
the biting, short-temper, due to it all...
gone.
( I remember.)
we all have our own share...
me, at least a dozen, each with
a story to tell.
( * silence *)
the story ends.
the memory remains.
(* may they both rest in peace...*)
xoxo,
gee
| august 16 |
|
" ...sweet freedom whispered in my ear,
you're a butterfly...
and butterflies are free to fly,
fly away,
high away,
bye-bye..."
( "someone saved my life tonight", elton john)
no,
I'm not gonna fly away
from you.
I just love the song.
"it's four o'clock in the morning,
dammit. listen to me good..."
(~smile~)
xoxo,
gee
| august 15 |
|
hurting, blissful,
lost, unsettled...
hopeless, scatterbrained,
radiant, devastated...
exhausted, worried,
disappointed, eager...
excited, furious,
pensive, fed-up...
whatever it is,
show it to me.
just be real.
just be you.
( 'cuz I love you. holyfuck, I do.)
xoxo,
gee
| august 14 |
|
" when your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's ok;
but when your hobbies get in the way of themselves, well..."
(~ steve martin ~)
yeah...
gotta love that man.
( well, I do, anyway...)
happy birthday, steve!
(yay!)
xoxo,
gee
| august 13 |
|
quite some time ago,
someone advised me,
" gee. look.
you gotta clean your lense.
that's why you sometimes
get those freaky lines and bubbles."
" ohh. no, no..."
I grinned.
" those are just the fairies
having some fun."
xoxo,
gee
| august 12 |
|
gee's helpful hint of the day:
smile.
hug someone you love.
tell that someone that you love them.
and then smile some more.
then, depending how things go,
you can either thank me,
or blame me...
see?
(~smile~)
" I just want to be loved! is that so wrong?"
(~ jon lovitz, from snl -- doing his impression of actor-playwright harvey fierstein ~)
xoxo,
gee
| august 09 |
|
" on a hot day in virginia, I know nothing more comforting
than a fine spiced pickle, brought up trout-like
from the sparkling depths of the aromatic jar
below the stairs of aunt sally's cellar."
(~ thomas jefferson ~)
afternoon sun shining through library windows
warms the book in my hands,
warming my hands
digging through ancient recipies
and helpful hints and tips,
I pause for a moment and wonder
what the hell I am doing
this for
I smile to myself,
the sunlight my witness...
the answer comes faster than a heartbeat --
" because I'm like that."
xoxo,
gee
| august 06 |
|
the people,
the places & things I see...
it's all so
fucking beautiful, really
today,
I will soak it up,
take it all in,
and carry this home
with me
it's become too special not to.
xoxo,
gee
| august 02 |
|
" whatever we are waiting for -- peace of mind, contentment, grace,
the inner awareness of simple abundance -- it will surely come to us,
but only when we are ready to receive it
with an open and grateful heart. "
(~ sarah ban breathnach ~)
here I am...
waiting.
thank you, my sweet one,
for letting me
wait
for you
today.
xoxo,
gee
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