november 24

so much of this life -- and the beauty of this world --
has begun to elude me

somehow,
some time ago,
I began to make a place for myself here --
at the edge...

and now,
I am looking around, wondering
what I'm doing here, wondering
which turn was the wrong one, screaming
into my echos,
" how the hell did I get here?"

perched on a worn, wind-whipped cliff,
blessed with a view
overlooking everything under the sun --
a picture-perfect postcard
of a land just beyond my reach --
I stand in the place I, alone, chiseled out for one,
where all-things-beautiful slip through the tired hands
I no longer recognize
as mine

dear god, dear goddess...
let this wind carry me away... to you -- to my real home!

today,
I affirm --

may my-every-breath be
a constant reminder of my worthiness!
may I be willing to receive!
may I feel that I am deserving of all-things-wonderful!
may I be willing to share!
may I remember
that I am a good woman,
through and through,
even when the goodness is misunderstood,
misperceived, or unrecognized!
it doesn't make one bit of difference
in the end, does it?
because of you, I am whole!
because of you, I am radiant!
because of you, I am who I am!

I turn to you
and become as you are!
dear god, dear goddess,
you are all that fills me!

and so it is.
blessed be.

xoxo,
gee

november 22

ok.
here ya go.
one of my all-time-favorite songs ever...

" can you feel it, see it, hear it today?
if you can't, then it doesn't matter anyway
you will never understand it cuz it happens too fast
and it feels so good, it's like walking on glass
it's so cool, it's so hip, it's alright
it's so groovy, it's outta sight
you can touch it, smell it, taste it so sweet
but it makes no difference cuz it knocks you off your feet

you want it all
but you can't have it

it's cryin', bleedin', lying on the floor
so you lay down on it and you do it some more
you've got to share it, so you dare it
then you bare it and you tear it

you want it all
but you can't have it...
it's in your face
but you can't grab it

it's alive,
afraid,
a lie,
a sin,
it's magic,
it's tragic,
it's a loss,
it's a win.
it's dark,
it's moist,
it's a bitter pain,
it's sad it happened
and it's a shame.

you want it all
but you can't have it...
it's in your face
but you can't grab it

what is it?
it's it.
what is it...?"

(~ lyrics to "epic" by faith no more ~)

xoxo,
gee

november 21

* being warmed by your wood stove
* hearing your voice, from the next room --
simply talking,
being sarcastic, or even
singing something funny --
* relaxing here, in your own personal space
* wanting you, while feeling wanted
* loving you, while feeling loved

to me, this is what it's all about.

these are my good times.

yes... definitely.
good times.

xoxo,
gee

november 20

every now and then,
I just need to be reminded.

" eventually, you will come to understanding that
love heals everything, and love is all there is.
the journey may take many lifetimes,
but you will complete it.
it is impossible not to complete it.
it is not a question of if but of when.
every situation that you create serves this purpose.
every experience that you encounter serves this purpose."

(~ from "seat of the soul", gary zukav ~)

thanks, gary.

xoxo,
gee

november 19

dear goddess, dear god...

may everything
I do,
say,
create,
see,
and experience
have
nothing less than
divine meaning and purpose.

everything.

that's all I ask.

and so it is.
blessed be.

" so many people walk around
with a meaningless life.
they seem half-asleep, even when they're busy
doing things they think are important.
this is because they're chasing the wrong things.
the way you get meaning into your life
is to devote yourself to loving others,
devote yourself to your community around you,
and devote yourself to creating something
that gives you purpose and meaning."

(~ morrie schwartz, in "tuesdays with morrie" by mitch albom ~)

xoxo,
gee

november 18

sometimes
I like
to watch
the clothes drying
until
I'm thinking only
of tumbling
and
spinning.

xoxo,
gee

november 17

I melt
every time
I hear you say,
" that's my girl "

every
time

every
fucking
time

" I've got to follow my heart
no matter how far
I've gotta roll the dice
never look back and never think twice..."

(~ lyrics from " to be loved", papa roach ~)

xoxo,
gee

november 16

sometimes
there
isn't
any
peace...

only
pieces.

xoxo,
gee

november 15

retreating
to my
favorite place --
one of them, anyway --
I am tucked away inside, scanning
pages, words,
impossible to digest
today.

I close the book.
I close my eyes.
there you are.
I smile, watching
you sleep.

xoxo,
gee

november 14

" reserved: for pete "

baby,
I'm
saving
you
a
place.

right
here.

next
to
me.

just
for
you.

just
because.

(~ smile ~)

xoxo,
gee

november 13

" when I was young,
it seemed that life was so wonderful,
a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
and all the birds in the trees,
well they'd be singing so happily,
joyfully, playfully watching me.

but then they send me away
to teach me how to be sensible,
logical, responsible, practical.
and they showed me a world
where I could be so dependable,
clinical, intellectual, cynical.

there are times
when all the world's asleep,
the questions run too deep
for such a simple man.

won't you please,
please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.

now watch what you say
or they'll be calling you a radical,
liberal, fanatical, criminal.
won't you sign up your name,
we'd like to feel you're
acceptable, respecable, presentable, a vegetable!

at night, when all the world's asleep,
the questions run so deep
for such a simple man.
won't you please,
please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am."

(~ lyrics " logical song " by supertramp ~)

xoxo,
gee

november 12

alone,
I light the candles,
wrapping myself around myself
here
on the cool, wood floor
of my silent bedroom

the flames
dance and flicker
with my every exhale

in them,
I see myself.

in myself,
I see them.

together,
we illuminate.

together,
we shine.

together,
we burn
alive.

( I'm really missing you, baby...)

xoxo,
gee

november 11

yay!

"oh, I'm newly calibrated
all shiny and clean
I'm your recent adaptation
time to redefine me

let the word out
I've got to get out
oh, I'm feeling better now

break the news out
I've got to get out
oh, I'm feeling better now..."

( lyrics to " better now" by collective soul)

xoxo,
gee

november 10

believe it or not,
I would rather spend
a few tortured minutes
violently puking up the contents
of my practically empty stomach
than waste an entire day away
laying in bed, feeling nauseaus.

( just in case you were wondering...)

( yeah, I know. that's fucking gross.)

( but that's my revelation of the day, today.)

( so there.)

xoxo,
gee

november 09

ripped apart...

you count my rings with your little finger,
set me ablaze,
then warm your palms
on the fire
burning in me

your strong hands...

are
they
pink?

or
are
they
red
now?

xoxo,
gee

november 08

I'm
so
fucking
lost,
it's
not
even
funny.

xoxo,
gee

november 07

( no words )

( *sigh* )

xoxo,
gee

november 06

" tilling my own grave to keep me level
jam another dragon down the hole
digging to the rhythm and the echo
of a solitary siren
one that pushes me along
and leaves me so...

desperate and ravenous
I'm so weak and powerless over you."

( lyrics, weak and powerless by a perfect circle)

xoxo,
gee

november 05

" what's it all for...?"
I daydreamed,
spinning along with the towels and socks...
endless circles
behind warm, round glass

"... and does anybody really give a damn?"

xoxo,
gee

november 03

honoring one of my favorite bands,
type o negative...
this is for you.

but these lyrics --
from their song " love you to death" --
are for you, my love.

" I beg to serve,
your wish is my law
now close those eyes and let me love you to death.
shall I prove I mean what I'm saying, begging
I say the beast inside of me's gonna get ya,
get ya,
get..."

xoxo,
gee